Everything is Better in Oregon

This slogan Everything is Better in Oregon originated with my friends Shannon and Peter and while I’m sure this refers to the nonexistent sales tax, gas station attendants, and the coast line, I mean it quite literally. Once upon a time my perspective on Oregon was so different; during my high school years, I used to frequent the Ashland bus station and obsessively scroll through the list of destinations and departure times that would get me as far away from Oregon as I could get for $24.00. As a family friend Jimmy Giancarlo aptly put it “This town is a nap.” Funny, how one kid can wake a place up.

I've tried to learn a few lessons on parenting from my own childhood. I realized after our trip to Oregon that when it comes to Sam I’ve tended to look at those lessons in the negative. The old, “I want to give my child better than what I had.” Not that I viewed my childhood as bad, I simply hoped to push the parenting evolution forward not backward.

In the pursuit of giving Sam a more secure family life than the one I had—two parents in attendance, mother at home more and at work less, limited family drama—I forgot to include the Ashland stuff into Sam’s childhood. Visiting Ashalnd on High St. with the Nollenburgers brought all that stuff I haven’t included into clear view. The Nollenburgers live cattycorner to my old elementary school. Not even five minutes after our arrival, Sam spotted the playground equipment and within ten minutes he was climbing and sliding and swinging. I half expected to hear a bell signaling the end of recess.

Growing up, I walked to school…hell, I walked everywhere. As my mother drove through town in a big gold Scout with a tendency to talk to herself (gesturing along the way), walking wasn’t a bad option. Ahhh, she was a single mother, she needed someone with whom to talk things over.

I so thoroughly scoured that town; I owned it. Maybe that’s why I was so ready to move on from it.

Karen Nollenburger says that our job as parents is to make that job obsolete. We give our children security so they can venture forth without us.

I recently watched a documentary on the suburbs; they talked about how children no longer develop a sense of personal sovereignty. They are constantly chaperoned and not encouraged to go off exploring, so they never develop ownership of their neighborhood.

I think of it like this—what happens when in a novel, an author traps a character in limited settings—living room, car and gym—then shuttles him/her between those places? What sort of character would emerge? How self reliant would this character become? How able would they be to navigate the bigger world? How willing?

The website version: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

I was thinking about this as Sam was on Briscoe's playground, climbing this ridiculously high ladder that led to a ridiculously long and curvaceous slide all the while I’m trying to breath through my anxiety. Maybe only parents can plant their feet on the ground and still experience vertigo.

Sometimes it's almost impossible to distinguish between what’s truly dangerous and what just scares me. In both instances the feeling is the same. Obviously at 2 years Sam isn’t ready for un-chaperoned exploration but I still need to develop an ability to distinguish.

I know that I didn’t have some magical childhood in Ashland, Oregon that I can bestow upon my child. Or if it was magical, it was the same kind of childhood a lot of people experienced. Dave had a free range childhood here in South Buffalo. What is so different now from back then? If you look at the statistics the world isn’t anymore dangerous. Maybe my mother knew how to do something that I’m just learning to do: talk myself through the anxiety and let Sam be free. Now where do I get another Scout…

Sam and His Peops:

One of the good things about being an older mother or as the doctor refers to me; “Of advanced maternal age” is that I had long full adult years prior to Sam’s birth. And there is no better place to be reminded of those years than in Seattle. I started my vacation 3 days earlier than Dave and Sam. For the first time since Sam’s birth, I struck out on my own and did all the stuff I used to do—watched a Mariner’s game, took a bike ride, went out to breakfast 5 Spot with Phyllis, BBQed with the East side gang, noshed beer and apps with Menace and Mike, and drank WAY too much in Shannon’s backyard.

It was fantastic. Good for me. And I figured I could make it up to Sam…Right?

When I got back home, Sam’s Aunt Lisa gave me some pictures of Sam hanging with his cousins. I was struck by the life my son has without me—wagon and wheelbarrow rides, sleepovers and hockey dress up. And then at the Science Center, a woman I didn’t know ushered Sam into the room, pulled off his coat, and said, “Oh Sam I know how much you like the bubbles.” Obviously there was nothing to make up to him. He’s been having long full toddler years with and without his mommy.

Seattle Sam

Life with Ma

While we were in Seattle Peter told me about this moment in Internet History. Back in 1994 (I think) AOL connected all their users to the Internet for the first time. Before this moment, the Internet was used by the military and computer peops. AOL launched millions of users onto the Internet and so the .com boom was born. I was hooked up to AOL back then (OK, Phyllis and my brother were). While I didn't understand the difference between AOL and the greater territory of the Internet, this is my way of explaining why I'm a bit sentimental when it comes to AOL. I know AOL was once the reigning Evil Empire but they made the Internet accessible for the likes of me and so I'm a wee bit sad to jump Sam's blog to Blogger but AOL is all faded glory and this Picasa program is nice.

If for whatever reason you aren't able to see the slideshow, click on the blank space and you will routed to the Picasa site to view the slideshow there.

I wonder what technological advancement will happen in Sam's 20s. And even though I'm committed to understanding technology as much as I can as we go, I'm sure I'll need the AOL version for whatever it is.

And I've left the other blog up and running if you want to view previous entries--http://journals.aol.com/lollily/SamuelHawk/